Today and to be honest the past month I have gone through various emotions and end up feeling depressed. As most of you know, my first IVF cycle failed and after having one conversation with my DB, he said that he now feels that he is too old, he goes 43 next February to have children. Needless to say I was upset as I go 40 next year but kept quiet but this has been festering in me and I know that I need to let him know how I feel as I would like to try at least 1 more time. I have also mentioned foster care and adaption as well, but he mentioned that he sees so many young adults who treat their parents with so much disrespect and who get themselves into trouble with the law. He works for the Police Force which can explain the reasoning for his thinking.
I now dread the questions, “when are you and so and so are going to have kids?” “How come you are not pregnant yet you are not getting any younger” etc. It hurts hearing those questions, so instead of telling the truth which in my opinion is none of their business as those that ask are just being nosey so and so’s, I either smile and change the subject or say we are trying. I know that they mean well, but people need to think first before they ask certain questions as trying to have children can be a very sensitive topic.
I have also been fighting feelings of jealousy and anger when I see young girls are popping kids out like its nothing and then yelling at them instead of talking to them. Also when I hear that someone else is pregnant and I try to be happy but inside I feel sad and especially when I see new borns or young babies and I wish they were mine or I wish I could have one for myself.
On another note, I have decided that I need to go and speak to someone in regards to my feelings and also to address a few other things that I have experienced in my life which I feel that I hold on too which holds me back. As I mentioned before I go 40 next year, and I want to start the new year with a new me and move on from the past and to be a better person.
Please forgive me if this post is all over the place but this is where my mind is at. I miss see my follower bloggers.